oh, Heathrow airport

I've been reading baggage regulations for three different airline companies, looking up policies on leaving luggage at different places in London, and having a pretty good time making fun of Heathrow's security FAQ with Mom. I am deeply amused by the notion that these questions are indeed frequently asked. Anyway, this is one of the most patronizing FAQs I have ever read.

My favorites were, at first, the questions about what one could bring on a plane--not only is there a question about whether or not one is allowed to carry any reading material or children's games onto the plane, but apparently British question-askers believe that whether baby formula is diary- or soy-based will determine whether or not it is allowed on the plane. Also, I found a loophole in the whole no explosive materials thing: the answer to the question of whether or not one can bring a sandwich or crisps on the plane for one's child is "Yes, crisps are fine and sandwiches with any type of filling are also permitted." Any type of filling? *strokes chin, has evil laugh*

My very favorite, however, is a very special question filed under "Exceptional Items": "How can you assure me that there will be no terrorists on my plane? I would also like to know what checks you make on all the staff working at the airport – how do you know there are no terrorists working in security? Or smuggling bombs on planes via the food that is put on to the planes?"

I bet this is the most frequently asked question of all, verbatim.