I finally did the character meme!

[spoofmaster]

Okay, so I requested the questions for this meme more than half a month ago. I've been busy. Seriously. And now I have time.

The meme, as a reminder: 1) Make a list of 15 characters and assign each character a number.

2) Without telling anyone who's on the list or the character's assigned number, get questions from your flist about what they'd like to know about them, i.e. "If 3 and 4 were trapped in a cave together with only a blanket and a toothpick, what would they do?"

3) Post the list of characters and answers to the questions.


1. Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean)
2. Eli Stone (show of same name)
3. Raskolnikov (Crime and Punishment)
4. Stitch (Lilo and Stitch)
5. The Tenth Doctor (Doctor Who)
6. Link (Legend of Zelda)
7. Daniel Jackson (Stargate SG1)
8. Mary Poppins (movie of same name)
9. The Phantom (Phantom of the Opera, ALW version)
10. Papageno (The Magic Flute)
11. HAL 9000 (2001: A Space Odyssey)
12. Invader Zim (show of same name)
13. Misha (A Desperate Character)
14. Sawyer (Lost)
15. Indiana Jones (film series of same name)

I'm adding names in after the numbers for clarity.

nobleplatypus's first set of questions:

12 [Invader Zim] walks into a bar. Add a punch line.

YOU WOULD THINK HE WOULD HAVE SEEN IT HAHAHAHA.

No. Let's try...'Invader Zim walks into a bar in a giant scary-as-hell robotic suit...which proceeds to run out of batteries, leaving him at the mercy of the bikers who frequent the place, and who have been less than pleased with the nonsense Gir has been spouting at them and which they have taken as a string of personal insults.'


"Who would the Doctor be most likely to choose as a traveling companion: 1 [Jack Sparrow], 5 [the Tenth Doctor, or 7 [Daniel Jackson]? Why?"

Daniel Jackson, because a.) he's a nerd, and b.) he's also the only choice by process of elimination.

Jack Sparrow would have much, much too high of a tendency to attract trouble, plus he'd drink all of the Doctor's rum (assuming the Doctor HAS rum), plus Jack himself would probably object to being a mere passenger on someone else's (time)ship.

Ten simply Would Not Do as a companion for himself, regardless of which Doctor we're talking about as the companion-picker-upper. If the other Doctor was also Ten, that would, of course, create a paradox. Also, regardless of which regeneration he teamed up with, the two Doctors would be sure to annoy each other to the point of violence within two weeks, leading to a rather unusual form of suicide.

Anyway, now I'm thinking of how cool it would be if Daniel were the Doctor's companion. He could impress the Doctor by being all "I AM RIDICULOUSLY AWESOME AT ANTHROPOLOGY" and by being the guy who's always going "Uhmm, couldn't we figure out a way to resolve this that doesn't involve shooting people?"

Also, if it was Daniel from the later seasons, he could come back to life whenever he got killed. Buut judging from Captain Jack, that might creep the Doctor out. At least it wouldn't be in a "time is distorted!" way. More just a "I have ascended to a higher plane of being SO THERE HAHA" kind of way.


2 [Eli Stone] and 3 [Raskolnikov] are sitting in a train compartment across from 13 [Misha] and 8 [Mary Poppins]. Suddenly, all the lights go out. There is the sound of a kiss, then the sound of a slap. The lights come back on; 8 [Mary Poppins] is holding [her] cheek and looking aghast, and 2 [Eli Stone] looks rather smug. What the hell just happened?

Uhmm. Well.

Misha kissed Mary Poppins because either someone dared him to do it earlier or he got drunk enough to convince himself that someone had, or at least that it would be a Thing To Do. She slapped him with her handbag, and the reason there's no mention of him looking smug or laughing is because he's unconscious. Her bag, after all, contains furnishings for an entire house.

Raskolnikov has kept to himself and his psychotic mumblings, and Eli's just looking smug because he's finally caught on to this ignoring-the-visions thing. Also, because his two default facial expressions are Smug and Weepy Weebly.


What would happen if 6 [Link] laid a finger on 10 [Papageno]'s Butterfinger?

Papageno would go on about how he has the strength of a giant, and unhand that Butterfinger, and so forth. Then Link would get to keep the Butterfinger because he has a sword and Papageno isn't about to stand up to someone who could actually hurt him.


shiremint's questions:

Would/does 14 [Sawyer] get on with 5 [the Tenth Doctor]? Would they be able to live together?

My brain just short-circuited. Okay, rebooting.

The answer is no, because Ten's a complete whiner about guns, and Sawyer's almost always carrying one. The Doctor would put up with him if it was necessary, but he'd probably be a total buttmunch to Sawyer, at least until Sawyer did something or other to earn the Doctor's trust. Then there would be grudging acceptance.

As for Sawyer's side of it...again, probably no, since he'd be sure to snark back at someone who kept going on about what a gun-toting thug he was. If the Doctor did something to earn Sawyer's trust, there would probably be more grudging acceptance...except he'd still call the Doctor by various insulting nicknames and generally act like Ten was an idiot.

Living together? No. The Doctor would never be able to stand being stuck in one place and time, and Sawyer wouldn't go running around with the Doctor in the TARDIS to save total strangers.


Which of your numbers is most likely to TAKE OVER THE WORLD?

I'm going to go ahead and say that the answer is not Invader Zim, since while he might be the one most likely to want to take over the world, he's massively incompetent.

I think I have to say HAL 9000, as illogical as that is, since he's the only other one on the list that is crazy enough and enough of a control freak to have any inclination to do it, and he's a lot smarter than Zim.


6 [Link], 8 [Mary Poppins], 11 [HAL 9000] and 15 [Indiana Jones] are in a chemistry class together. Which of them makes lame chemistry puns, or, if none of them would, which of them would hit such a punmaker with a brick? Which of them tends to make things explode?

Lessee...Link wouldn't make puns, because all he says is "...", Mary Poppins wouldn't because she has too much class, HAL 9000 wouldn't because he...just wouldn't, and Indiana Jones...might. If it was young Indiana Jones, and he took a break from spazzing out over things that "BELONG IN A MUSEUM!!!ELEVENTY-ONE"

HAL 9000 would cause the explosions, because they'd ask him to do something vital and he'd be all "I can't do that, Dave." Plus he'd actively cause explosions after the teacher said something confusing and thereby gave him conflicting instructions.


MOAR from nobleplatypus:

Eli Stone is approached by 9 [the Phantom], who needs a lawyer because he/she is suing the pants off of 12 [Invader Zim] because [Zim] kicked their puppy for no reason. [Zim] is represented by 6 [Link], Judge 10 [Papageno] presiding. Everyone else is in the jury (unless one of them is Maggie, in which case, she's totally Eli's second chair). Describe the ensuing courtroom drama!

Okay, so the jury consists of Jack Sparrow, Eli Stone (bahahaha), Raskolnikov, Stitch, Ten, Daniel Jackson, Mary Poppins, HAL 9000, Misha, Sawyer, and Indiana Jones. That makes eleven, Platy. Ten, when we take Eli out of the jury for conflict of interest. Good job. *laughs*

So yes. Poot (the Phantom...I'm just going to call him Poot) finally started the healing process after his breakup with Christine (*sniffle sob snotdribble*), and his therapist told him to get a pet. On the way home from the pet store with his new puppy (which is a poodle named Christine...I think Poot's missing the point. He's missing a couple of points, actually, since it's a male poodle puppy), he ran into Zim, who was on the lookout for Gir and mistook poodle!Christine for his own robot dog, despite the fact that puppy!Gir is green and poodle!Christine definitely isn't. So he kicked the poodle puppy, and later denied that he had any reason for doing so, since after all he needs to keep the fact that he has a robot henchman a secret. Poot seeks out Eli, who takes the case due to the fact that he has had a vision of a gender-confused puppy singing to him about how "these boots were made for walking."

Link, of course, doesn't know the first thing about the legal system, and generally just shouts and waves his sword around, which scares the crap out of the jury. Eli is able to have him found in contempt of court and removed, much to the dismay of Zim, who had thought that his lawyer was doing very well at cowing the pitiful (mostly) human jury into ruling in his favor.

Papageno is entirely unable to maintain order in the court when Eli's not prompting him to do things like kicking Link out. A fight breaks out in the jury box between Misha and Raskolnikov, due to Misha overhearing Raskolnikov muttering about how everyone involved in this sordid affair was a louse and taking offense on behalf of the puppy, whom he views as a member of The Downtrodden Masses. Mary Poppins tries to stop them by informing them of just how uncivilized they're being, but it's Indiana Jones who finally puts a stop to it by force. His timing is good, since Stitch was about to get involved, and that would not have ended well for either of the Russians. Jack Sparrow wanders off in search of rum, and the Doctor becomes preoccupied with sneaking up behind Eli and using the sonic screwdriver to scan his head (after Eli threatens to get him thrown out, too, the Doctor makes a snide remark about "ungrateful apes" and, after a few minutes of sulking, gets down to the business of asking HAL 9000 all the impertinent questions he can think of). Daniel establishes a "sane people corner" of the jury box and escorts Mary Poppins there. They are joined shortly by Indiana Jones, who gave up on maintaining a jury box-wide peace after HAL 9000 dared Misha to attack the Doctor to get him out of his (HAL's) face and the Doctor was forced to use that neat neck hold he learned from Spock to knock Misha out. Sawyer, who has been trying to avoid being caught in any sort of crossfire, establishes his own "stay the fuck out" corner midway through all of this, but eventually just leaves out of disgust.

Both Poot and Zim have gotten up and left by this point despite Eli's best efforts to stop them from doing so. He tries to enlist the help of Stitch, who undoubtedly could keep both characters in the room, but Stitch is too busy at the time with pulling HAL 9000 apart, mostly out of a desire to do at least one destructive thing today. Zim leaves because he thinks his time will be better spent at home, and makes a mental note (out loud and very dramatically) to have special revenge on the entire human legal system when he has conquered the Earth. Poot just leaves (a bemused poodle!Christine tucked under one arm) because he's too gosh-darn sensitive for all of this and woe is him. Eli packs up his things, takes one last look at the pandemonium in the jury box and at Papageno, who is watching his court go to pieces and chewing his little bird-person lip, slaps the Doctor's sonic screwdriver away from where the Doctor was back to trying to scan his head, and stalks off.

The end. 8D